dumb-founded

??? My first instinct when i received and read that out-of-nowhere message was to let my phone slip through my hands and just let it drop to the floor.  I tried to suppress a vomit that is forming at my throat.  My face literally crumpled, too late to realize it was an unsolicited message of endearment hidden in the innocence of a rainy day greeting  i just read..  Drama aside, i am fascinated by what moves us to do certain things that we might feel, at first, a little afraid to do and then just go against our better judgement, and perhaps instinct, and allow ourselves to just go ahead with it.  Should we partly blame Nike for encouraging us with their familiar slogan to "just do it'? What motivates us to send that message that we know would be ignored? What instigates us to swallow our pride and just do what we wanted to do and do it even with our eyes closed and our fingers crossed?  What necessitates that feeling of fulfillment knowing that you have unleashed something that you have been hanging and holding on for the past years of your life?  It is not easy, i know.  I also had some moments like that in my life.  And i now remember fondly that i only did it only under the influence of a strong drink.  But what ignites us and prompts us to lose ourselves in the moment?  What is that force that encourages us to do something that later we might regret doing? 

now what?

Sometimes i just don't Know how to react or when to react . It's as if something or someone is hindering me to do it. And so i ended up reacting badly or unacceptably or worse, offensively. Other times i ended up regretting not reacting at all. It's a little bit frustrating when you can't express your emotions the way that could bring you inner joy And peace.